Category: POTSHOTS


A Truck Driver’s Duty

Sometimes, it takes a Veteran.  Had to post this…

Daily Groaner

A Truck Driver’s Duty
A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him.
At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn’t run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn’t see anything.
He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. “I’m sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road.”
But the priest said, “Don’t worry, son. I got him with my door.”
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Men Teaching Classes for Women

at

 THE ADULT
LEARNING CENTER
 

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

By December 31 2013


 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks,
Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy – Putting the
Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks,
Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible
To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?–Group Debate.

Meets 4 weeks,
Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase–Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays
at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks,
Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program Help Line
Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks,
Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken
Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum
..
Monday at 8:00
PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch–They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT!

Three nights;
Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!–Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00
PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park
In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks,
Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
How to Shop by Yourself.

Meets 4 weeks,
Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Sent to me by a friend now somewhere in
the
Federal Protection Program

Harry Reid

securedownload

Obama, Biden, and Pelosi

securedownload1

P.S. Anyone know what kind of birds these are ???

You Get what You Pay For

A woman went out to her yard one morning and found her dog just laying there, not moving at all. She thought it might be dead, but since it was a basset hound and never moved much anyway, she wanted to be sure… After all, she didn’t want to bury it and then find out it wasn’t. So she took it to the vet.
The vet agreed to take a look. He shook the dog gently. He checked for a doggy pulse, but couldn’t find one. He held a mirror up to the dog’s nose but it stayed clear. He said, “Well, the dog does look dead; but I’d like to run one more test.”
He goes into the other room and brings back an animal carrier. He opens the door and a cat comes out, walks around the dog two or three times, and finally lifts it’s head and tail and goes back into the carrier.
Vet says, “Well, ma’am, I’m sorry to say but your dog is dead.”
“Well, that’s what I came here to find out,” she says, “How much do I owe you?”
“That’ll be $520.”
“What?” she screams, “$520 to tell me my dog’s dead?? Why so much?”
“Well,” said the vet, “it’s $20 for the office visit, and $500 for the cat scan.”

Unusual Headlines

 

  • “Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant” (See if that works any better than a fair trial!)
  • “War Dims Hope for Peace” (I can see where it might have that effect!)
  • “Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges” (You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?)
  • “Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors” (Boy, are they tall!)

Generational Payback (humor)

Water Pistols

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
I was not so pleased. I turned to mom and said, “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?”
Mom smiled and then replied, “OH YES! I do remember.”

http://partneringwitheagles.wordpress.com/2011/10/05/they-are-not-happy-or-the-islamic-schizoid-syndrome/

Parrot at Auction

One day David went to an auction. While he was there, he bid for a parrot. David really wanted this bird, so he got caught up and thoroughly involved in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he had bid much more than he had intended, David won the bid; the parrot was his at last.

As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”

“Don’t worry.” said the auctioneer, “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”

“Loyalty to a petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.” – Mark Twain

Mike’s Girlfriend

After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend’s new telephone number, I dialed him — and got a woman.
“Is Mike there?” I asked.
“He’s in the shower,” she responded.
“Please tell him his girlfriend called,” I said and hung up.
When he didn’t return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. “This is Mike,” he said.
“You’re not my boyfriend!” I exclaimed.
“I know,” he replied. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour.”

Modern Technology

 I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night, when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

“This is the 21st century, old man,” he said. “We don’t waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPod.”

 

I can tell you, that fly never knew what hit it…

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